Worst fanfic in the world Tribute
by The Grinning Psychopath
Summary: this is the worst fanstory in the world... what more is there to tell?


**The Grim Adventures of Bryion and Hailey. This is the worstest and most horrendous fanfic in the world… Tribute.**

**Theme to this little catastrophe we got here?  
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**(http) : / / youtu . be / hkVVCdHvAYg  
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** i'd say the theme song and the scenes that go with it pretty much fit the bill, from here to disastrous finish.  
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**just remove those marks from the thing, and put the link together and you should be able to watch it.  
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**eh for those who don't know how, or well if the link is expired or something... well the theme song that best fits in my head, is Desert Punk's opening theme Sand Mission, the english version... and the scenes that go with it in the episodes fit pretty good too i think.  
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Destruction, fire, chaos, and rage.

Those were the main features of Hailey Smith, right at the moment.

As she raged throughout the town, causing mayhem and destruction unlike anything the town had quite seen ever before, least since the last time she raged that is.

Her boyfriend had just broken up with her again, and she was determined that every living person in the world feel her pain.

She screamed loud and primal, as she unleashed her wrath upon the town, with every intent in the world of making everything living person pay dearly.

Police tried to take her down with tranq darts, but such was her rage that she discovered access to psychokinetic esp abilities and blasted the darts out of the air and right back into the nether regions of the officers.

Who cried out in agony and fell over quickly falling into the depths of unconsciousness, which probably came as something of a relief.

The main features of me at the moment, were purely… annoyance, irritation, fear of lung cancer from all the smoke in the air, fear of the many people racing about screaming, and pain in my ears from all the screaming.

Plus, pain in my stomach from hunger.

I wearily watched as all the chaos and destruction went down, and not for the first time wished I was a billionaire so I could just indulge in my agoraphobia and live in solitude in my lonely apartment… at least then all I had to worry about was the calluses on my hand being too rough for when I jacked off.

I sighed, seeing how none of the stores for food were open at present. Intellectually I knew that I could easily just walk into any of them and take it… but the fear of being caught was just too great.

Then I spied an abandoned ice cream stand on the side of the road, the owner long sicne having abandoned his post in favor of just well running and screaming in terror probably.

and the inklings of a thought of an idea began making their way into my robotussin ravaged brain.

Meanwhile, Hailey, roared in challenge, as a helicopter began making its way towards her, Roger dressed in a black crew cut wig and a pilot's uniform, and Stan standing in the doorway of the chopper, with a megaphone in one hand.

Hailey, immediately began seeking something to hurl at the helicopter.

"Listen Honey, I know everything seems real gloomy right now hon, but trust me everything's gonna be fine, everything's gonna be just okay… now pleasestop destroying our town, I got Jeff here with me and he's sorry see!"

He handed the megaphone over to Jeff, who then proceeded to explain his many woes to Hailey, about how he had just gotten over a super bad trip from mushrooms when he broke up with her and how he didn't really mean any of what he said that night.

Hailey, just glared at him and lifted up an RPG. "Alright, that's enough, ROGER GET US THE HELL OUT OF HERE!" Stan yelled, but even as Roger, began twisting the wheel, Hailey pulled the trigger and thus forth a rocket did launch itself from the tube, and a few seconds later it impacted on the tail of the helicopter, and everyone screaming it plummeted down to the unforgiving earth below.

I watched dispassionately, as a shard of propeller flashed past my skull and impacted in the face of a nearby child penetrating right into the brain killing him instantly.

Eh, if it'd happened at a bit slower rate so I coulda seen it I probably would have been terrified and or freaked out, but my brain processes stuff at a slower more reasonable rate than other people's, slow enough that real fast stuff just doesn't effect me the same as other things… usually  
Eh anyways, I just shrugged at the dead child, muttered a "Lucky bastard." before moving on to tentatively steal some ice cream from the stand.

Hailey screamed and raged, tearing into the riot squad like they were nothing. The Marines came in and she chewed them out fiercer than any of their frill sergeants ever had and sent them on home in tears… and with various self control issues that would force them to wear diapers and scream for their mothers in the middle the middle of the night for the next 30 years if not longer.

The forest was on fire for as far as God's omniscient eye could see. **"Whoo damn that girl has a fire in her heart, great legs too hmm… I wonder if she's as passionate in bed as she is in her rage..."**

As the final Marine went down, for a moment pure pleasure and exaltation filled Hailey's features and she whooped and laughed and thrusted her pelvis back and forth back and forth, laughing like the lunatic she was.

And I watched it all from the shadows of the alley nearby, rooted to the spot partly by fear, partly by curiosity, partly by arousal at the gesticulations of the hot crazy girl… and partly just cause what the fuck.

Licking my vanilla ice cream with its topping of hot caramel sauce, enjoying the show… vaguely wondering whether or not I should be running… if I could go back in time and deliver a message to myself… I'd tell me to run like hell and not to stop till my feet were worn down to the bone.

But as fate would have it, I could not accomplish this deed and I was forced into the worst and best mistake of my life.

Suddenly Hailey's eyes widened and she stared in horror at all the smoke and destruction all around her. "Oh my god… I did this? I caused all this fire and carnage? Oh my god!… I'm a horrible person!" she fell to her everluvin knees sobbing uncontrollably, chanting. "Oh my god. Oh my god! Oh my GOD!"

I licked thoughtfully at my ice cream and looked the girl up and down… she was a looker no doubt about that, crazy but hot… crazy in a very destructive and humanity hating way I think… just my type of crazy… some of time anyway.

I walked over to her nonchalantly… yeah like a nonchalant… if I comfort Woman will woman fuck man senseless? Or least pay man to go away?

As my shadow fell over her she looked up to see me blocking out the moonlight… dark and unimposing as ever.

AND I SAID! "Uhh… your mascaras running." I murmured unhelpfully, doing my best to look down her shirt to catch a glimpse of her nice soft, friendly looking breasts.

She wiped a hand over her eyes and looked with dismal eyes as her hand came back stained with black. "Yeah… figures as much… just another pile of shit to make the puke Sunday that is my life complete."

I looked around to all the destruction and Kaos surrounding us, "You really do all this?" I asked interestedly. She nodded sorrowfully, "Yeah… Ahhhhhh I can't believe I did all this!" she cried and buried her face in her hands once more. I fingered the small thin and scraggly patch of hair on my chin thoughtfully, pulling at them gently. I was one of those people not really meant to have a beard I think… but I wanted one anyway… just to make my look of the recently made homeless complete.

I thought about leaving her… but that would make me feel like a douche bag, also there was a slight chance of pity sex and I was seriously horny.

So I got down on my knees beside her and patted her back reassuringly. "There, there, its okay… I'm sure you err… didn't kill anyone who didn't deserve it… like your dad I'm totally positive that he got out of it okay." Hailey scoffed and pushed me away slightly to rub at her nose, "What?… oh them? I'm not crying cause of those bastards, I don't give a damn about them, I'm crying cause all the toxic fumes I've put into the atmosphere!" she screeched and motioned wildly around at all the smoke clouds filling the air.

"I've devoted my life to helping the weak and the helpless, to saving our environment and helping little animals… and I just burned them all down… in one single night I became the very thing I swore to destroy, no I became 1000 times WORSE than what I hoped to destroy, I'm worse than any of those factories I've run protest runs against and spit upon. I burned down the whole forest, I've destroyed countless animal lives and animal homes and animal helpless… and only God knows what all this smoke is going to do to our environment."

"YEah bitch you've totally screwed us!" crowed a bunch of passing hippies and one of them went as far as to spit onto her green bandana.

Hailey howled with sorrow and hid her face in her hands.

"hmm." was what I said, very intelligent right?

I licked some more at my ice cream, clothed my free hand in some dirt and gingerly removed the sputum from Hailey's bandana and rubbed my fingers off on more dirt.

"Well we're all going to the ultimate doom at the end of the universe anyway… might as well be sooner rather than later." she blinked up at me confusion clear in her lovely hazel eyes, "What?" she asked and I wondered if I should try explaining to her my theory on what was going to happen to all the souls when the universe collapsed and died… and decided against it.

"Nothing," I murmured… "What some ice cream?" I asked holding the cone out to her. There wasn't much left, just some half melted ooz in the bottom of cardboard cone. Hailey nodded and took the cone from me and bit into it and her eyes widened and she smiled at me in appreciation, sniffling slightly. "Vanilla ice cream with caramel sauce," genuine warmth filled those glorious dark hazel eyes and the light from the fire turned them a lovely shade of golden. I smiled back at her and brushed her lovely black hair back from her face. She really was quite the looker with her pale porcelain flesh and her nice soft curves.

As Hailey bit into another chunk of the cone she inserted her tongue into the cone and swirled her tongue around inside, trying to get at every last drop of caramel sauce and vanilla sludge.

I watched her mouth with fascination as she did this, imagining her tongue licking up all that ice cream and sauce… and sorta wishing I was that cone… but only briefly as she withdrew her tongue and bit into the cone again, making me wince at the thought of how the cone must feel.

"Your really pretty." I murmured and she smiled and leaned in close so I could feel her breath on my face and I felt really warm all of the sudden and it wasn't just cause of the fires so close by. I put a hand on her bare shoulder both to steady myself, to stop her from getting much close annnd to feel her up slightly… and I almost feinted at the feel of her hot sweaty flesh under my hand… so soft… so smooth… oh god.

Hailey giggled, "Your not so bad yourself tiger." That… I was pretty sure… was a lie… least it would have been a lie if I'd said it.

I was about 5'10, recently turned 16, sallow skin, somewhat average build with my stomach and its layer of comfort padding but I was fairly strong in my upper arms and my legs are were working their way towards an lower-weight athlete's type, average oval face, average teeth, average pugish nose, average brown eyes, thick messy dark brown hair often mistaken for black that was slightly curly… hadn't seen either a razor, scissors or a comb or brush… in somewhere around 2 years going on 3. Most people mistake me for Mexican or Hispanic, but as a matter of fact I'm Roman… of ancestry anyway but I was born in Seattle Washington.

I could walk ten miles in around 4 or 5 hours barely… but I was still in bad shape.

But still for some reason, Hailey's eyes seemed to burn with a very deep and very hot passionate flame… one that hopefully didn't actually involve burning of any kind.

Her lips were tantalizingly close to my own, "ahhmm… thanks." I managed just barely from a suddenly dry mouth. Hailey giggled, "Your welcome." and suddenly she launched herself at me and tackled me to the ground and her mouth was on mine, sweet and soft… and fucking tasty.

Our tongues tangled with each other's in a ungraceful, off beat, awful folk dance of passion, and the screams of the dying and the car alarms were the song our tongues danced to.

We clawed at each other's clothes, her wonderful soft body pressed tight against mine. She wrestled me down to the ground and held my face tight against her's by tangling her fingers in my hair.

My jeans were tight and her hands soft and skillful were gently massaging my scalp as we kissed and it was glorious… and then her hands started making their way down south for the winter and I was suddenly reminded of two reasons why this shouldn't go down… least not right now. "Ahhh… shouldn't we go check on that crashed helicopter over there… a couple miles away, your uhhh dad could still be alive." Hailey shrugged and swung one long leg over both of mine and ground her pelvis into mine as she did so, eliciting a groan from me. "Eh if he did survive than there's no need for us to go search him out, he'll find his way home or to me eventually."

She pawed at my belt and upon releasing the catch and working it loose, began moving on to work on my jeans.

She gave me a playful smile and rubbed at my hardness through the jeans and I found it harder and harder to remember my reasons behind not immediately giving into her advances. "Ahhh… he could be hurt… in.. neeeeed of medicaal aide.. Ahhhaahahahaah…" I moaned as her hand found its way into my pants and past my boxers to curl around me, "Oh that's okay," she purred and then she licked my ear! "He's tough, he can wait no doubt till we make some hot senseless luuuvee!… hooooboy I'm going to ride you till your hips break off!"

I thought distantly of the episode of Futurama where Fry and Zap Brannigan ended up on the planet of Amazons where they'd end up almost getting snue snued unto death.

And then giggling Hailey lifted up her shirt up and over her head and disposed of her jeans and the only bit of underwear she had on a little black leather thong and I had no more thoughts more sophisticated than… _Ohhh GOD!… YES! _

**One day later.**

At the house in the kitchen, most everyone's at the table, Stan's in a wheelchair and Francine's hovering over him, one hand on his shoulder, prepared to do whatever he asked of her.

"Alright kids, since Stan has been temporarily bound in a wheelchair, due to all the damage he sustained in Hailey's last rampage… we're going to have to be sure to take care of him in whatever way we can, isn't that right kids?" Francine asked sweetly of her collective children. Steve nodded vigorously, glad for any chance to look good in his father's eye, Klaus rolled his eyes and murmured, "Whatever." Roger scoffed and murmured "Oh so typical the fat man spills the milk and I got to clean up the mess, when I got shot in the back and was wheelchair bound for life nobody even lifted a finger to help me!" Steve rolled his eyes, "Roger that was a nightmare you had once back when you got stoned from eating some of Jeff's homemade hamburgers."

Francine beamed at them all, "Excellent, I'm glad you all are so dedicated to helping Stan get better again. Now Hailey… where's Hailey?" Francine asked looking around in confusion. Stan just looked disgruntled, "Oh don't worry about her Francine, no doubt she's gotten together with that hippie who was stupid enough to dump her the first time in this episode, or maybe even with that two timing bastard… Bill! Oh I'll kill him when I get out of this chair!"

And just then Hailey walked in with me on her arm. Everyone dressed as usual… me dressed in my usual black doc martens, black socks, blue jeans, black boxers, black t-shirt and a a battered badly tarnished silver pentacle on a black wire around my neck. "Hey Mom, hey Dad… guess what happened last night?" everyone looked at each other blankly for a moment.

"Err… you burned down 98 percent of the surrounding forest, beat up the state troopers, sent the police crying for their mommies, put Dad in a wheelchair, and came within 2 inches of being taken in and thrown in jail before Bill came up and testified that it was his fault you did all that and they all decided you should get pardoned?" Steve put out helpfully.

"You finally decided to go to the gym and work off that backfat of yours? Good thing too your starting to look like Meg Griffin." Roger put out unhelpfully and Hailey and I both glared at him. She glared at him for the obvious, I glared at him cause Hailey's grip on my arm just turned really quite uncomfortably tight.

"No dick-brains, I GOT MARRIED!" Hailey squealed and I flinched away and mourned my eardrum's sudden loss.

"WHAT!" Francine and Stan shouted together, staring at us as if we'd gone mad. "But… when! And why!… and to whom!" Stan demanded looking wildly around and I felt kinda insulted that not once did his eyes land on me as the answer to that topic… but only kinda, I didn't like attention that much.

And then his eyes settled on Steve, "Was it you boy? Huh? DID YOU TAKE MY LITTLE GIRL AWAY FROM ME!" he demanded and started choking the life out of Steve.

"Dad enough it wasn't Steve and ew gross dad, like I'd ever marry someone with a chin like that." Hailey announced disgustedly… seemingly forgetting the big issue such as for example, Steve was her brother.

I was just contemplating how much it would hurt to dive on through the window and make my escape when Hailey came back and twined her fingers with mine and there was no longer an option for escape. "Mom, Dad, everyone… this is my bondmate for life Bryion Cooper." and with that she gave me passionate kiss on the lips and my head started to go off into the clouds.

And then a demanding, control assuming voice shouted, "Hailey stop spreading your pot clouds into the young man's atmosphere and let me take a look at him." and just like that the clouds were gone and I found myself pushed in front of the intimidating figure of Stan, whom while he was stuck in a wheelchair, was nonetheless quite an imposing figure, where he began to poke and prod me.

"Hmm… strong chin could probably break a brick, oval face said by Greeks to be the perfect face shape, weak nose, good thick if messy hair probably gonna last all the way into his 90's, snub nose, soft stomach no chance at all of it standing up to a bullet, sword even a kitchen knife. Good strong right arm can throw a mean punch, long hair suggests he's afraid to show his face, weak and creaky knee joints that are gonna no doubt give right around when he hits 40 and leave him crippled. Hailey I forbid you to be married to this man, he's weak, meek, irritating and no doubt a jew, and only God, you and soon I know the sorry state of his man parts and Ahhh!-" Stan started to reach forth and grope my junk when Hailey stepped in front of him and took a death grip on his hand and another death grip on my own unassuming junk. I whimpered weakly and tried to pry her hand off but it really was futile, she had me quite literally by the testicles.

"Okay first off Dad I can marry whoever the hell I like, secondly hands off my man's junk, however inadequate it is-" I winced and not just from her hand so tightly wrapped around the aforementioned junk, "it is still mine and no one else is touching it but me! Understand?" Hailey's grasp on both of us tightened and we both whimpered as various cracking noises were heard throughout the house.

"YEs perfectly!" Stan gasped, Hailey then turned her face to me her eyes full of fire, "Understand? No one but me is touching this bit of junk you got here!" I whimpered and nodded my head in acquiescence. Then Hailey was all sunshine and flowers and defending the environment again and she released us much to our relief, "Good. Now thirdly actually me and Bryion aren't… quite married… eh after we had some interesting some somewhat satisfying sex in the ashes your helicopter crash, I took us along to see some of my fellow Environment loving friends and after some arguing and punching they agreed to help us undergoe an ages old ritual, in which me and him are bonded… FOR LIFE! Even better than being married some have said, its not just words on a piece of paper, it's the magic of the land, the blessing bestowed on us by the earth mother and God, and we love each other now very much and we're going to be spending all of eternity with each other… isn't that right pumkin?" She asked tightly but sweetly, staring me in the eyes with a look that said as clear as day that if I didn't agree with her, the Geneva convention end up being broken this day and I quickly agreed, anything to appease the wrathful if beautiful goddess whom had take such firm control of my life.

"Well then Bryion, why don't you sit down and have a drink, enjoy some breakfast and tell us about how you and Hailey met?" Francine asked pleasantly, holding out a plate of freshly fried eggs, bacon, goat sausages, and toast.

I shrugged and obligingly sat down at the table, Hailey pulling out a chair next to me.

And we sat and she chatted, I suffered under the gaze of the strange alien whom I already didn't like that much, and the glare of Stan Smith.

Somehow I really didn't think I was going to be enjoying my life with my new wife that much.

Oh well.

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**_This is Not… THE Worst FIC IN THE WORLD! No no…. NO!_**

**_This is just a tribute._**

_**Couldn't remember the Worst fic, no no... NO! This is a TRIBUUUTEE OHHH!**  
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_**PS, i know i spelled Hayley's name wrong, but i like it spelled Hailey... it looks better to me, more sophisticated like and stuff.  
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_**now let the flames begin!  
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_**Oh and i realize that i  
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